I think I may be suffering from stress... or depression... or something! I feel guilty and selfish for saying this but I'm just feeling really low at the moment. If anyone has read my other thread they will know me and my OH have had a bit of a rough time lately. He had a cancer scare, the tumor turned out to be benign but he's still had to undergo surgery, it was a destructive tumor so destroyed some of the bone in his leg and he is going to have to start radiotherapy in January. His gran has been seriously ill, she has a problem with her heart but the doctors can't operate as she isn't strong enough to make it through the op. I have also just had to take my pet guinea pig to the vet yesterday and she has a tumor and doesn't have long left. It just seems as though it's been one thing after another. I haven't slept properly in weeks and I just feel like im on the brink of tears all the time. I feel completely selfish for saything this when those I love the most have had such a hard time lately, I know I should be thankful ( and believe me I am ) that my OH is going to be ok, the situation looked a lot worse for a while. I just feel so low and completely drained. I have IBS which has been playing up lately due to everything thats been going on, and the lack of sleep is just killing me, I'm lucky if I get an hour or two a night. I just really feel somedays that I just can't function and don't know how I'll get through the day. I haven't told my OH how I feel, it seems so petty in comparison to what he's going through, and I have to be strong for him. He doesn't need to be worrying about me as well. I guess I just need someone to give me a kick up the backside and tell me to get on with it

Hi i dont think you need a kick up the back side after all you have been through its understandable that you feel this way , you have been under a lot off stress taking on all off these problems you certainly are not being selfish i think you should tell your OH how you are feeling its time that you had some support hugs xx

Hi there - no kicking coming from me either. Yes you do sound a little depressed - lack of sleep will be contributing to that and it is horrible feeling weepy a lot of the time - been there as I am sure have many others. You have had a lot on your plate. You are not wingeing, you are just explaining and you seem have have got worn down for totally legitimate reasons. Sometimes (often I think)it is harder for the person watching a loved one be ill that being the patient yourself, so don't beat yourself up for that. A chat with your GP might be helpful- they must know what you have been going through wh your OH. They may be able to reassure you that what you are feeling at the moment is a very normal reaction (and therefore not remotely selfish) and make useful suggestions. I had a short course of antidepressants once that just helped me through a tough time when i had got to the point when I was crying every day: My GP taught me to see them as armbands to stop me drowning and give me the strength to swim to the shore. There is no shame in medication: it does not mean you are weak, nor does it herald a life long addiction. And if you don't want to go down this road, then you don't have to either. Alternatively, some people swear by St John's wort (make sure you are not other other meds though, as they clash). That might be good place to start. Or maybe just by being open here, as you have been, you will find support and a range of coping suggestions that will help you through this ime Try and talk to your OH; you are just as worthy of support and he might appreciate the spot light not being on him for a change. It is a testiment to how much you love him and your life togther that you have felt so affected by his illness and possible outcomes. You are not being selfish at all. We feel what we feel, and burying it doesn't help in the long run. Getting it out in the open, is a positive step towards acknowledging your legitimate needs as a human being and will help it go away.

To be honest I'm a bit reluctant to go to the GP. They misdiagnosed my OH 3 times so I just don't trust them at the moment, plus with the job I do I can't afford to take time off work, it's a very stressful job and I'm the only one who does it so any work is just left until I get back. I was off for a week when we found out that my OH had the tumor, and despite work knowing this, and everyone ( including the doctors at the time ) thinking it was cancer my work was still just left to pile up until I came back. They have no back up or contingency plan if I'm off so I would be even more stressed having to come back to weeks worth of work. I have taken some holidays next week so I have a couple of weeks off over Christmas so I'm hoping I can pull myself together when I'm off. I might go to see a different GP at the surgery to talk about it all, but I'm worried they'll just give me a sick note and like I said I can't really take time off work. It's hard to try to find time as well, it seems as though my OH has to go to the hospital almost every day for one reason or another and as we only have 1 car I can't make an appointment in advance incase he gets a call from the hospital saying he has to go in. We don't have any public transport where we live so I'd really need the car to get to the doctors, and the hospital is a good hours drive, double that if the traffics bad so I'm worried if I did make an appointment and he was at hospital I wouldn't be able to make it. I also need to try and visit my best friend, she was involved in a motorcycle accident and is out of hospital now but I haven't had the chance to see her yet. I think just chatting about it has lifted a weight off my shoulders, I know that if I were to talk about this to some people they would see me as being selfish. Everyone keeps telling me how I need to be strong and be there for my OH, which I'm trying to do, I'm just the emotional type and find it hard to keep it together at times. I swear reading all this it sounds as though I'm in a bliddy soap opera!

You've had a lot to deal with in a short space of time and the lack of sleep is compounding that. I would advise going to your GP to see if they can prescribe something to help you sleep and I think getting a good nights' sleep will certainly improve a lot of your symptoms. Try seeing a different GP and don't worry - if you don't want a sick note they can't force one upon you! Depression is usually something that creeps up over time and is longstanding. You may just be going through a very 'low' stage and I really think if you can get a handle on the sleep issue then you might start feeling better. Best of luck to you and I hope you all have a happy and healthy 2010 x

Stress, especially a lot of it combined with uncertainty can lead to feelings of anxiety which in turn can lead to depression. From what you've told us here I can quite understand why you are feeling pretty low. You're allowed to feel low when circumstances pile up, especially things which are not under your control! If it was in your power to fix these things you probably would and quite easily too, but they're not. In your place I would share these feelings with your OH in a heartbeat. I daresay he's been having the same feelings too. Share and support each other if you can. Speak to your GP as it might be a short-term solution to have some medication prescribed to give you some respite from these feelings and it may give you some breathing-space to see the situation from a different perspective. We can't all be Superwomen all of the time.

You're going through a rough time, when everything seems to be going wrong in life. Look after yourself, in any way which makes you feel happy, and if possible, get some support from girlfriends to unload to. It's amazing how much better these little things can make you feel. And, you also avoid all the treadmill around tablets and counselling, when all you really need at the moment is a hug and support. Best wishes. Lin

It can be a stressful time of year never mind all the other stuff you have had to deal with as well. Medication from the Gp is an option however it may take a while to start working though. Talking it through is also a good way and we are always here to have a chinwag with, sometimes its better talking to a total stranger. Good luck and it will get better

Please do see a GP. You've had a lot of stress to deal with, and it sounds like you need a wee bit of professional help to get back onto an even keel. Tell it all like you've told it on here, including not wanting to be signed off work, and see what they say. My best wishes to you, and also to your OH.

Gosh LP -you have even more on your plate than you first intimated. I can see how a GP's appointment would add to your stress at the mo, so do what it is right for you. I can also see why you feel a lack of trust in the GP at the mo - but you have every right to see a different one and as another poster said, you don't have to do anything they suggest if you are not comfortable with it. Definitely don't share any of this with the people who will call you selfish - (these types of people make my blood boil). Do feel free to off load here if you find it helpful. I think you are under enormous pressure- including being seen as the 'perfect' partner to some people, though to me, you are being that by being open and honest and getting your esentials needs met in order to beable to remain strong for you OH. Perhaps some short term over the counter sleep remedies might break the poor sleep cycle. Again, this will be at the root of so much at the mo. You don't sound a drama queen, if that's what you mean about a soap opera... life can be wearing and tough and it is ok to acknowledge that.

You don;t sound selfish at all. You sound like someone who has had a heck of a lot to deal with and is understandably stressed. I can completely understand you wanting to support your OH and he is very lucky to have you but you need to be able to ask for support to. Whether that means going to your GP, seeing a counsellor or just confiding in someone you trust. Hopefully you will see then that you have no need to beat your self up and that you are dealing admirably with a difficult set of circumstances. Have a big virtual hug!

Thank you all for being so kind, I'm touched by how caring and supportive you have all been, it's really appreciated. I've tried various herbal sleep tablets but haven't had any luck with them to be honest. I'm a bit reluctant to try the stronger ones ( I don't really like taking tablets unless I absolutely have to ) as I know sometimes they just knock you out, so it's not a restful sleep you have. Although if I don't sleep soon I might consider it, I am getting a little fed up of people telling me I look awful all the time It's funny how people can just not see a problem in telling you you look like s***! lol I'm worried about the OH starting radiotherapy as well. Apparently him being young ( 28 ) is actually against him as it means he has longer for any side effects to develop, the main one being skin cancer. So he's having treatment now to try to prevent a benign tumor coming back that in the long run could lead to a malignant tumor. I think part of the problem I'm having is a lack of understanding from friends and family about the whole thing. As soon as we found out it wasn't cancer everyone was like great he's going to be fine, and moved on. But we still have alot to go through, our boss couldn't understand why he needed radiotherapy, he assumed as it wasn't cancer he would just get it cut out and that would be it. But what he has is still very aggressive and highly likely to come back so he is still having to go through a similar line of treatment as a cancer patient. As I said on a previous thread his parent's and family don't really make much of an effort, none have visited since he came out of hospital 4 weeks ago so I think because we haven't had any support from them it's made things hard as well. I've had to ferry him back and forth to the hospital when he couldn't drive while I was still working full time and doing everything round the house. Obviously I didn't mind, and it couldn't be helped, but it was tiring. His dad only works part time but has never offered to give OH a lift to the hospital, or help out in any way.

I would just ignore them an concentrate on you and OH getting better. I have a father that I havent spoke to in years and dont miss him one bit.

Sweetie, if you need practical help and emotional support it's perfectly OK to ask for it, from whatever quarter that might be. Some people are very reluctant to offer it, especially when you give every appearance of being perfectly able to cope without it. When I was going through a terribly difficult time with a multitude of problems to cope with simultaneously it was only when I admitted it and asked for help that I received it from all sorts of people, some of whom I only knew very slightly. It surprised me where it all came from but I was so very grateful, even if it was the offer of a lift somewhere or a cup of tea and someone holding my hand while I was sobbing. There are folk out there willing to help but sometimes when we need it it's not obvious to outsiders that we do so unless we ask: if you appear to be coping people will often just assume that you are.

In the past I have seen my Dr for stress and depression due to ME and felt so much better for just talking about it. I was put on tablets (not sleeping tablets) to improve my sleep and reduce muscle aches which made the world of difference. I was also referred to a fantastic counsellor. The key thing I learnt is to take time for yourself and exercise. Even now (fully recovered) if I go for a few days without taking time for a 5 min walk/have 10 mins uninterrupted 'me time' I start to get more tense. Amazing what a difference those few minutes make.... On a more practical note are there any hospital transport volunteers locally? These are local people who drive patients to and from hosptal appointments. My Gran used this service when she was undergoing cancer treatment and meant she was able to keep her independance and didn't feel a burden due to people needing to take time off work. We lived on a farm 20 miles from hosp but this service was still available. There may be a small charge towards petrol though - I can't remember. I hope that you have some time to relax over the festive period and that life is easier in 2010.

craftdaft - They have arranged for the ambulance transport for him when he starts radiotherapy, although they said he has to be ready for 8am and may be there all day, despite what time/how long he actually needs to be there. They didn't offer the transport method you described so I dont know whether this would be an option. Obviously he would prefer this rather than sitting in a hospital all day waiting for everyone else to finish their treatment but I would have thought if it was available they would have mentioned it We have discussed the idea of him driving, but it would mean him having to drop me off at work in the morning, then driving to the hospital and picking me back up again. This alone will be tiring but we've been told to expect him to get very tired, have a swollen leg ( the area thats being treated ) as well as joint and muscle pain so we don't know whether he would actually be physically capable, and more importanly safe, to drive. I can't really take time off work each day to take him to the hospital, because of the distance I have to travel it would take 2 - 3 hours by the time I wait for his treatment to finish and drop him back off home. BitterandTwisted - I don't have a great deal of friends, as I said one of my closest friends was involved in an accident recently, she's only just got out of hospital and is still recovering so I don't want to burden her with anything else. I think one of my other friends is going to pop round one night before Christmas to exchange presents so I could talk to her then. The main person I tend to talk to is my sister, but her boyfriend lives down south and the last few weekends she's been going to visit him so I haven't seen much of her lately. She's still at the loved up stage so when she's not with him she's either texting or ringing him lol I think I'd find it hard talking to my friends in a way, I'm always the one people come to when they have problems, I don't actually know of a time when it's been me talking to them about my problems Had a bit of a talk with the OH when I got back in from work about how I felt and I'm going to try to make an appointment with my GP on Monday about it as well.

Hi i read posts like yours and feel so guilty for my 'stressful' posts i have done at times as i haven't got anything to compare to how you are feeling. I see you have been through a lot of ordeals which must have been really tough with all the other bits of daily life on top. You are like me in terms of work as i got flu a couple of years ago and was devasted to be told i had a sick note off the doc (im never ill its not me to have time off!)..i felt awful and hated being off feeling guilty and more work just piling up..BUT if i was ill or if you are ever ill and you have to be things will cope..your work will HAVE to cope..these things have a way of sorting themsleves out so please go and speak to your gp and see what he/she says and go from there if you dont want to talk fully to your oh. I hope all is looking a bit better today x

Well today we got the dates for when OH's radiotherapy starts. We had booked a week away to the lakes in February after finding out he didn't have cancer as a sort of celebration and you guessed it, the treatment is at the time when we're supposed to be away. So I've had to cancel the holiday, thankfully the guy was really understanding when I explained the situation and has said we can have our deposit back which we weren't expecting. But today I've had a nice day ( despite being at work! lol ) My boss sent me and a colleague out to check out a couple of hotels in the area that we might want to use and we had lunch while we were out so managed to have a few hours out of the office. Then I had my annual review with my boss which went very well, they're really happy with my work etc so I'm quite cheery about all that, despite the fact I think I'm coming down with something

You sound like you are suffering from anxiety which is influencing your mood and sleeping patterns. You have a fair bit to worry about at the moment so don't beat yourself up, but it could do you good to speak to a GP. Some people leave stress far too long and it can develop into serious depression, the two being so closely linked. Well done for picking up on how you feel relatively quickly, it isn't melodrama it is being assertive about your own feelings. You seem 'guilty' for feeling this way too, which is not how it should be. You are not being selfish at all.You are worrying about people/pets close to you and yet cannot control issues surrounding their health which will get you down. It is often just as hard for those who are not unwell as those that are, especially as you feel like the one having to put on a brave face to support them. Your priority needs to be getting your sleep back as much as possible (with or without medication) and trying to find ways of alleviating stress. For you this seems to be staying at work so ensure you explain this to the GP. If they suggest options you do not like, you do not have to agree with them. Often GPs can refer you to a short term (6 session) counselling programme, some conducted at the surgery itself which may allow you to offload to some unrelated person. There may be a shorter or longer waiting time for this dependant on where you are but it could be very useful if you are the type looking for somewhere to offload (probably, if you started this thread?). Best wishes

LP - glad today has been better for you - keep taking things a day at a time when you can. And well done for talking a bit more with your OH and that you are know considering seeing a GP. Congrats on a very good appraisal Even more so considering the difficult time you have had. I'm glad you have got the date for the radiotherapy though, but as you say, typical it clashes with the holiday, but how lovely the chap understood and is refunding the money. Hang on to those small goodnesses when feeling overwhelmed. A good post by sp (along with all the others on your thread.) - You see, everyone is telling you that how you are feeling is normal and not selfish and it is good and healthy to care about yourself and deal with this rather than sweep under the carpet. You are coping with a lot, and not sleeping you are bound to feel drained. Try and keep life as simple as possible and not take on any other committments or obligations unless they are something that makes you feel relaxed and happy.